Lesson 4: Hung up

Unless there's some sort of emergency (or you are genuinely trying to send the message that you are not at all interested), just put the phone away and do not make or answer any calls. It shows you really aren't all that interested in making any sort of good impression and that you can't even focus on your date completely even at the point when you're supposed to be showing your best side. Whatever it is... it can wait... Or- just go to the bathroom if you truly need to make a call or read a text message. Spare your date the uncomfortable stare into nothingness, as you engage in conversation with someone else, at the very least...

Lesson 1: Frankie Says Relax!

If there's anything my internet dating has taught me, it is this: There is NO sense in getting nervous for a first date. At this point, I estimate I've gone somewhere near 200 first dates (give or take)... Sad but true...

The first online date I went on was (to say the least) nervewracking as fucking hell! I was literally shaking to the point that it could be heard in my voice. I was flushed and my heart was racing, as was my mind... "what if he sees me and thinks that I'm so fat that he just 'peaces out' and leaves me there?" "What if I have NOTHING to talk about" "What if I laugh and a booger comes out?"...WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF?!?!?!?

I could go ON and ON... but I'll save you the torture as I'm sure you get the gist...

And what ACTUALLY happened on that doomed first date? Pretty close to nothing special... 2 people talked over 2 glasses of wine at a bar on the upper west side, then walked a few blocks together, said goodbye, and never spoke again... No catastrophe...Just no "spark."

Now just imagine that happening about 15 times in a row to me (though the shaking subsided after date 2 or 3...)

Eventually, for my own sanity, I just had to say to myself, "SNAP OUT OF IT!" I'm not showing anyone my best "me" and I'm certainly not in a very good head space if all I'm doing just before I meet this guy is talk shit about myself. So I consciously put an end to those voices and promised myself that I would think as little as possible about the date prior to it happening (aside from the normal what-to-wears and such).

It was LIBERATING!!!! I saved myself so much worry, and was finally able to just be "me," and well...As far as being me is concerned, I think I'm pretty damn cool to be around...funny, cultured, kind, and a good conversationalist... so it allowed me to show my best side instead of being someone I truly wasn't.

And the great part was, I found my dates were much better experiences. I'm not saying I instantly found love, (hell, i still haven't found that!) but I actually started making it PAST first dates, and even got to some 4th and 5th dates and on occasion, even more than that.

Lesson learned... Chill out! Nerves will only hamper your ability to meet your goal... It is hard enough to find the right person without ruining it for yourself before the date even begins.